There are moments in life where you are thrust upon acting adult like. For instance, when someone hands you a baby. No matter how utterly terrified you are that it will start screaming and spew acid vomit into your eyes, you must smile and nod like it is the most beautiful baby you have ever seen, not a pink space alien.
Another instance would be when your boss looks at you and thinks,
“Huh. I’m pretty sure if we gave her a key she couldn’t find a way to destroy the store.”
And when they actually hand you such key your reaction shouldn’t be,
“WOW! I don’t even have a keyring!”
Boss: You don’t have a keyring?
Me: I don’t have any keys..
Boss: Not for your house?
Me: My parents make me use the garage..
Boss: a car?
Me: I don’t have a license ...
Boss: You don’t have a license??
Me: I prefer not to drive...
Boss:......
Me: .... Your re-thinking this aren’t you?
Much to my surprise (and most likely due to desperation and lack of employees on my boss’s part) I was still given a key. A key that would cost me 500 dollars to replace if I lost it.
Me: What, was it gold inlayed with unicorns horn or something?
Yes, they still gave it to me.
Now, this is a prime example of being thrust into adulthood. I had a quick crash course in closing and then the next day it was show time.
Boss: So do you understand everything?
Me: *Blink*
Me: Yes..
Boss: Because I can stay and help you out for the first time, I’ll just have to cancel my dinner with my family..
Me: No no! Don’t do that! I have made a list! It all seems understandable! I’m good!
In my defense everything did seem understandable, except for my handwriting.
Something that should have been: 'And then hit send to close till two', In my mad dash spaztic writing ended up looking like: 'And then bite the flea, monkey sex tools'.
And really how is that of any help to me?
Answer: None.
I did everything short of burning down the store.
Ok, thats exaggerating a bit. But not by much.
After closing one till successfully without any of my crappy instructions, I felt like a champ. A capable, slightly heroic, adult-like champ. And I should have known that this was bad, things always get bad when I think I’m adult-like.
I then proceeded to till number two. I pressed a few buttons, sure that this would be as easy as the first and I would be out on time, with everything counted perfectly and my boss would then stride up to me the next day exclaiming:
“RAISES FOR EVERYBODY! But not really, JUST FOR YOU!”
Alas, a shrill beeping shattered my fantasy.
The till was screaming at me. Whatever button I unknowingly miss-pressed threw the till into a tantrum of hate and demonic possession. To which I panicked and replied
“STOP DOING THAT!”
I pressed a few more buttons, which lead me to louder beeping and a lockdown of the cash drawer and the keyboard.
“DONT DO THAT! I NEED THAT! PLEASE STOP!!”
No amount of pleading could get it to reconsider its hasty decision to ruin my reputation as a keyholder, or an capable adult in general.
To ashamed to call in my failure to my boss, I took the cowards way out, and left a note.
(The Boss probably wouldn't have been able to hear me over the tills painfull screeching anyways.)
Dear Boss:
I found out the till hates me.
I tried to be nice to it, I did everything I could,
I couldn’t read my own writing and that was my downfall.
I may have hit it, twice.
I’m sorry I destroyed your morning. I was to ashamed to call you..
I’m sorry I destroyed your morning. I was to ashamed to call you..
I got one till done at least, And look how clean the floor is!
I tried to fix it!
Ps.
Please don’t fire me!
Love Teagan
That note is now pinned to a bulletin board.
And may be the only thing that kept me from being fired.
Clean floors save jobs
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