Out of the Toaster and into the Toaster Oven...

A lot of people take the transition from High School to University really easily.
That was me up until it hit August 30th, and I realized, Oh shit, I actually have to go now. It's not just some mythical place that I will probably go to in some point in my life. Like a gynaecologist's office, or Narnia. 


There were things I needed to do and learn before I even entered this big foreboding building. 


I had to learn how to successfully take a city bus, and not wind up in a place where I have to be wearing sensible shoes, should I need to run away from a drug fiend/rapist. 
I had to buy and transport textbooks. I had to get a student ID. I had to get a calendar, with this years date on it! I had to figure out what classes I had actually signed up for, and where the hell they were! I needed to purchase a laptop. I needed to figure out how to use the track pad on said new laptop! I NEEDED SCHOOL SUPPLIES!


No Mother, there just doesn't seem to be enough time to complete all this before the start of school. Oh well ...better luck next year?

In the end, I did get the school supplies and learn how to use the track pad.
I became fairly sure of where my first, where my second, where one of my classes were. 
I got a student ID, was told it was the equivalent of the holy grail to my life as a mature university student, and was warned to NEVER lose it. (or it would have to be replaced with a fee of $25)
I bought the devastatingly overpriced textbooks, and the realized there was another thing I need to add to my list of things I needed. 
A Job.


Luckily, I have friends who know that I have a similar mental capacity to that of a small confused animal that has just been shot in the ass by a tranquilizing dart. 
They taught me how to use the bus, and forced me to pay attention to street signs. They walked me to the correct floor of my classes, so that I wouldn't just keep riding the escalators up and down because it was fun. They sat with me at lunch. Things were going well that first week of September. 
In fact I was feeling pretty bad ass.
Look at ME. I'm an ADULT. Ha-ha, I'm responsible. 


Devastation and destruction of my happy adult mentality struck in the form of my first essay. When I realized that, HIGH SCHOOL HAD NOT PREPARED ME FOR ANYTHING! It was all a lie. I only knew one format! It was the 'Shit that was due yesterday??' format. Now I was hearing things like APA and MLA and HIJKLMNOP-A. 
And wait.. that cant be right? It's worth 20% of my GRADE?
But not only that, a chapter test? A chapter test from what? We weren't assigned anything to read! 
Panic filled my face as I frantically poked my seat partner. 


Me: "When did he tell us to read something?? Where was I? Was I in the bathroom?" 


The look I received can only be described as: Condescending and the classic 'you dumb ass' face.  


Seat Partner: "You're supposed to read the text book, *stress on the 'you dumb ass' in her voice* he posted what chapters to read on the website." *adding in eye roll for good measure*


Apparently there was a website.  


Needless to say, all that hard work my friends put in? Destroyed in less then a half hour. At that point my brain went from being: 


I am a capable responsible adult. Look at me! I can ride the escalator to the right floor and then get off all by myself. 


To: 


OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!! WEBSITE?THERESAWEBSITE? CHAPTERTEST? TEXTBOOKS? ESSAYFORMATESSAYFORMAT! SOMEONES SCREAMING IS THAT ME? BRIGHTLIGHTS FEELINGDIZZY TWENTYPERCENT???!!!!


I personally apologize to anyone who was on the bus home with me that evening.